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February 23, 2013  | by: Jara Montez
(Instagram)

(Instagram)

 

Work hard, play hard…give birth…

Welcome baby Sebastian “The Bash” Taylor Thomaz! Amber Rose and rapper, Wiz Khalifa welcomed their baby boy to the world on Thursday, to a compilation of Little Mermaid songs! Kidding about the second part (I will address that later, however).


Here are a few comments on the birth of baby Wizber:

1. In the celebrity rule book, somewhere in between the rule that you must wear sunglasses at all times, and the obligatory temporary career derailment in the form of  a drug/sex related scandal, there lies possibly the most ubiquitous rule:

If you should have a child, his or her name must be obscure in nature. It must be some name that your proletariat fans would never think of using. Jessica? No. Go for the color of a crayon. Alex? No! Name the child after fruit! If it doesn’t reach a ten on the zero to Urban Outfitters scale of hipster, then it doesn’t cut it.

So did Amber and Wiz abide by the rules? Not necessarily….Sebastian “Bash” Taylor Thomaz is a coming in at around a five on this scale. Alright, alright, I know everyone shared my first impressions…UNDER THE SEAD UNDER THE SEA (Sorry, this is what celebrities get for naming their children after Disney stars! Halle Berry’s daughter, Nahla, is fated to marry Simba. It’s just written in the stars). But after all the lobster associations, Sebastian really isn’t that bad, is it? There are actually real people named Sebastian, and after all, he is a Saint. Meaning, his name isn’t all that bad.

And before you question the Thomaz with a Z, that’s actually Wiz Khalifa’s legal last name. Conveniently hipster.

2. Despite what the American public wanted, Rose did not in fact birth a marijuana plant. Booooo. I’m sure a lot of people were banking on this, considering Khalifa is the modern day Snoop Dogg, er, Snoop Lion, in respect to weed. A few even wished it was a girl, just so she would be named Mary Jane.

Clever.

While he hasn’t quit the herb cold turkey, he was at least considerate to where he decided to light up; nowhere around the pregnant Rose. Snaps to that guy! But we can’t help but wonder how this love of the plant will play out in Sebastian’s life. Initially, I got horrible flashes of a mini Soulja Boy (shudders), but my faith has grown in the couple, and now I’m thinking of a little Mac Miller, fellow Pittsburgh rapper, and weed aficionado. Let’s just hope this little guy doesn’t turn out like a young Lohan.

With that, I would like to extend my congratulations to the happy couple. May Sebastian’s life consist of nothing but joy and spontaneous laughter courtesy of Papa Khalifa.

Will you join me in the celebration of Baby Bash? Or is this just another irrelevant celebrity seed?

It seems like a little competition has been established, hasn’t it, Kanye? For the record, I am very, very nervous to hear what him and Kim decide to name their child…..

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