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May 07, 2013  | by: Kelly Hanelt
Twitter (@_Theezy)

Twitter (@_Theezy)

 

It seems the war for Rihanna’s love has officially come to a ceasefire. Rumors have run rampant lately that RiRi and Chris Brown had called it quits, but without confirmation from either party these were little more than mindless chatter.

Stories have been published declaring their breakup from the week that they reignited their controversial affair. But now, some 30-odd weeks later, we can all let out a sigh of relief because it is officially over… at least according to Breezy.

“The way I look at it is, I’m always going to love that person. But people have differences and people have different wants and needs. At the end of the day, she’s a young girl. I can’t really be focused on wife-ing somebody that young. At the end of the day. And I’m young too. So I can’t focus on that right now. I just need to fast forward and be a man and be the best Chris Brown I can be, instead of worrying about whoever else is going to be in my side pocket.”

So said Chris Brown on Australian radio show “The Kyle and Jackie Show.” Wow. I have never beheld such words of wisdom. Nor have I ever beheld such an appalling massacre of the institution of the English language. But let’s pick and choose our battles, shall we?

Hmmmm, okay, I choose this – “I can’t really be focused on wife-ing somebody that young.” Newsflash – Rihanna is older than Chris Brown. Just by a year, but given the unequal rate at which men and women mature and the added fact that Chris Brown is a raging douchebag, she might as well be his mother. Secondly, he needs to slow his roll on this whole marriage thing. The last thing we need right now is the second coming of O.J. Simpson.

Chris Brown’s mind-numbing lack of intelligence/ the ability to form a sentence without making himself seem like the most odious creature alive aside, this is actually good news. RiRi can reinvent herself yet again, continue to make phenomenal music, go on world tours and win countless Grammys, and Chris Brown can drop off the face of the earth. Maybe Rihanna will even make a little time for past lover Drake? Lord knows he could use an escape the onslaught of Amanda Bynes’ borderline sexual harassment tweets.

So Chris Brown and Rihanna are done for now. They both claim to be the most passionate of soul mates, so there will always be the possibility. But for now, let’s let sleeping rockstars lie. After all, they’ll always have nobody’s business (double entendre very much intended).

Are you thrilled about Chris Brown and Rihanna’s breakup? What are the chances it’ll last?

 

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