Once upon a time, Justin Bieber was cute. He was just a moptopped little chipmunk muffin from the frosty mountains of Canada with a dream to sing. He sang sweet little love songs that filled the heads of teenage girls with cartoon hearts and their notebooks with endless Mrs. Bieber doodles. He’s the reason anyone gave Harry Styles a second glance. He’s the reason 13-year-old boys stepped up their romantic game so much that they out-suaved grown men. Yes, once upon a time, Justin Bieber really was adorable. Now he’s just a brat.
The downfall of this teen icon has been playing out in an extremely public manner over the past seven or eight months. As much as the headlines and TMZ exclusives of each new fiasco make us cringe, the entertainment factor has not yet diminished, because no matter which stage of recognition or denial we are in about Justin Bieber’s status as an over-privileged, ungrateful little kid, he is in fact the poo. So take a whiff.
Nowadays it seems that the only person unaware of how irritating Bieber is, is Bieber himself, making our sympathy wane each time he gets slammed in the media. Perfect example being the recent video released on TMZ depicting Justin peeing into a mop bucket in the back of an unidentified restaurant in New York City, flanked on all sides by a careless brigade of enablers who have named themselves the “Wild Boyz” or lest we forget as they repeat it about 5 times in the profanity-laden clip. In case any of that dying breed of Beliebers are reading this and care to question Justin’s presence in the clip, only one glance at those diaper pants confirms his identity as effectively as any facial recognition. The video ends with Bieber taking a bottle of cleaning spray and spritzing it in the face of a framed image of Bill Clinton declaring “f**k Bill Clinton.” Uhhhh…..
There are so many questions this 45-second clip brings to mind that I could spend hours, days, even weeks pondering and still not understand. While I fancy myself a dedicated pop culture journalist, Justin Bieber is not worth that much of my time or energy. So instead I’ll condense my queries to 5:
1) What the “f**k” did Bill Clinton ever do to Justin Bieber?
2) Can we now use this as evidence that he is aggressively un-American and get him deported? (Because it has always really bothered me that he’s made it publicly clear he never intends or wishes to be an American citizen despite making millions off of our economy, and the fact that we single-handedly launched his career.)
3) Since when is the “Wild Boyz” a thing?
4) How soon can it stop being a thing?
5) Just how crude can Justin Bieber get?
Obviously this is a new low for the singer, but what does that matter if people don’t acknowledge what a let-down he has become? His fans, those Beliebers, will stand by him through everything, gladly contorting their minds to justify his deeds. Uhhh, he has a bladder infection? How about no. How about Justin Bieber has become the poster child of the over-privileged. He is all of the negative side-effects of fame incarnate, and has done nothing so successfully in the past year as antagonize the public.
As I stated earlier, I consider myself a serious pop culture journalist, and I know hopeless when I see it, so I’ll wrap up my sentiments by saying: Ew, Justin Bieber… just ew.
Have you any defense for Justin Bieber?Tags: Bill Clinton, Justin Bieber, Pees in a bucket, TMZ