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March 28, 2013  | by: Kelly Hanelt
Twitter (@Esquiremag)

Twitter (@Esquiremag)


Celebrities have made many a ludicrous claim about their sex lives over the years. Gene Simmons claimed he’s bedded approximately 5,000 women. Kim Kardashian is currently testifying to the courts that during her marriage to Kris Humphries, he was the only one. The difference between those and Hugh Hefner’s newest declaration that he has slept with over 1,000 women? His is actually true.

I’ll leave it for you to decide what it means about humanity that over 1,000 women were willing to spend a couple hours (minutes?) of their lives to be one one-thousandth of Hefner’s libidinal legacy. If it makes things any easier to understand, he didn’t always look like the underside of Mary Kate Olsen’s Balenciaga Pony bag. He actually used to look like this…

Twitter (@tttiffany)

Twitter (@tttiffany)


Ohhh, it all makes sense now, right?

No, really, not at all.

We sensible women will always fail to understand the appeal of a man who at his most attractive still looked like your creepy math teacher from grade school, but I digress there are some things in this world that must be accepted at face value. Even if the face looks like this.

During his informative interview with Esquire magazine, Hefner relayed that despite his Genghis-Khan-status libido, he has never cheated on any of this three wives. “There were chunks of my life when I was married, and when I was married I never cheated. But I made up for it when I wasn’t married. You have to keep your hand in,” Hefner explained.

His hand in what? His Viagra supply?

All judgment (and mild nausea) aside, Hefner’s achievements are not to be marginalized. He started an empire, juggled seven girlfriends at once, and managed to put a ring on someone 60 years his minor. And he has pet peacocks. #bigleague

Do you think Hefner deserves to go down as the biggest Casanova of the 21st/22nd century?

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