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November 07, 2011  | by: Kyle Edwards

If you happen to believe in the idea of reincarnation, then in a past life, Ryan Gosling had to be Gandhi. Or perhaps he was the pope. Whatever kind-hearted, selfless person he was, it must have been worthy enough for the unseen cosmic forces to make him God’s gift to every straight woman and gay man on the planet.

Right now, he’s got a monopoly on America’s ovaries with his chiseled features and swoon-inducing jaw line. His smooth womanizing in Crazy, Stupid, Love and his ultra-masculine performance in Drive are evocative of an older class of actors like Cary Grant and Steve McQueen. Over the past year, he’s surpassed all of those promising big-name stars – James Franco, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds – and made them look like the dorky ex-boyfriends of popular culture. Yet, at the same time, these sorry men are equally at fault. Franco got too academic. Cooper made the crucial misstep of getting a little too eager with The Hangover Part II. And Reynolds? Well, he tried to be a superhero – all while Gosling was breaking up fights in New York City.

What’s strange is that as I look at his IMDB page, I realize I’ve been watching Gosling for years. The All New Mickey Mouse Club, Flash Forward, Young Hercules – am I being haunted? After hitting it big with The Notebook and ruining life for every young man not named Ryan Gosling, he had a bit of a lull with critically acclaimed films like Half Nelson and Lars and the Real Girl. Things started picking back up after Blue Valentine (also known as the Most Depressing Film Ever Made).

But perhaps the most disheartening feature of Gosling is his ability to show us exactly what he wants us to see. His public image is so flawless that even his 2005 DUI was kept secret until just a few months ago. But to prove my point, there’s this:

He’s a musician…and good with kids? If my girlfriend sees this, I’m done.

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