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June 20, 2013  | by: Kelly Hanelt
Twitter (@limpgloss)

Twitter (@limpgloss)


You knew that McTwerk Team was leading nowhere good. For the past few months, the public life of Miley Cyrus has played out like a horror movie trailer. One sees glimpses, sneak peeks, and interviews. You have seen enough to know that whatever artistic endeavor that has come to fruition from all these efforts is nothing your eyes care to experience. Yet you knew that on the fated day that it did arrive, whether you chose to participate in the mayhem or not, there was no escaping it. When Miley released the audio for “We Can’t Stop,” it wasn’t anything groundbreaking, just the next step in what has to be one of the the most public emancipations from child-star innocence in the past decade (and with competiton like Lindsay Lohan, Macaulay Culkin and Amanda Bynes, that’s saying something.) But it didn’t end there. Oh no, it did not.


It ended there, and so did her career. Certainly Miley will continue to be a public presence and self-proclaimed celebrity and artist  for years to come, but it’s going to take a massive overhaul of PR, good music, and a sworn statement that she will never twerk again to undo the damage those 214 seconds just did. There are some images so horrific that no amount of shock therapy can scourge them from the back of your broken down mind. This is one of those.

Miley’s self-exploration is nothing to be shy about, and her exhibitionist behavior is in some lights a positive thing. No one determines who Miley is, except for Miley. I don’t think a record label exec could come up with twerking unicorn videos if he or she tried. She’s embracing the end of her childhood, but clinging to a sense of youth in a way that most 9-5 fatigue-ridden cubicle’d college grads only get cruel wisps of when they look back at pictures of their more irresponsible times, but this video isn’t about that. It is a poor imitation of Rihanna or Ke$ha or Nicki Minaj or Lady Gaga circa “Just Dance” (remember, she humped a plastic dolphin in that video.) In all her efforts of “just being Miley,” Cyrus became the exact trite over-produced pop starlet that she has tried so loudly to convince us all she is not.

Note to Miley – grills won’t make you edgy. Ryan Lochte wears grills. Try a little harder to try less next time.

What do you make of Miley’s new video?

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