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February 11, 2013  | by: Leigh Badrigian
 Flickr (chaubaby)

Flickr (chaubaby)

 

“A model a day keeps settling down away.” Is that how the saying goes?

Rumors are swirling that our beloved Leonardo DiCaprio has a new girlfriend and…get ready to be shocked…she’s a model! I know, right?! Models are so not his type. Aferdita Dreshaj is her name, and she’s got a winning resume that makes her the perfect candidate for a very prized position – that of Leo’s new girlfriend.

Let’s go through her credentials, shall we? Aferdita’s a 26-year-old Albanian model, singer, and former Miss Universe Kosovo 2011. She also…umm…she does…uhh…okay, that’s all I got. She seems nice! She also seems like the perfect match for Leo! Aferdita has all the qualifications. Model? Check. Foreign? Yup. Blonde? You bet. Under 30? Uh-huh. Ding ding ding! Winner!

Rumors of their new relationship began when the pair were seen spending an awful lot of time together this past week in Miami. After photographs were released of the two hanging poolside, kissing poolside, and then side-by-side on Leo’s hotel balcony, tabloids scrambled to identify this hot new blonde in Leo’s life. Once it was revealed that his beach beauty was, in fact, Aferdita Dreshaj, E! News tracked her down to get a statement. “We’re just friends,” she said.

 

Twitter (DreshajAferdita)

Twitter (DreshajAferdita)

Pah-leez. That’s the oldest line in the book! Sorry, Aferdita, but no one’s falling for that one. We’ve known Leo since 1996 and no gorgeous model was ever just his “friend.” And don’t act like you’d be content with just being his friend. I know they have Titanic in Albania! He’s as much a childhood fantasy for you as he is with us, except now your fantasy is a reality! You’re living the dream! Don’t mess this up, Chicky!

As for you, Leo, darling, enough with the models! Gisele Bündchen, Bar Refaeli, Erin Heatherton…You’re more frozen in this pattern of dating than Jack Dawson was frozen to that floating door! You’re becoming predictable and, dare I say it, boring. You’re a hot, celebrity bachelor, we get it, but there’s already a George Clooney in this world, and even he’s serious with someone now! It’s time for you to wake up and realize who you’re meant to be with! Please call Kate and make it official. Sure, she’s married, but c’mon…her new husband’s last name is “Rocknroll.” That relationship can’t last.

When you type “Kate Winslet” into Google, the first thing that pops up is “Kate Winslet Leonardo DiCaprio.” See! Even Google knows Leo and Kate are meant to be! And if you’re not going to listen to me, Leo, listen to Google. After all, Google knows everything.

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