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March 14, 2013  | by: Kelly Hanelt
Twitter (@austriamonster)

Twitter (austriamonster)

Mother Monster has found her match. A bona fide pop daddy with whom to rule over her misfit masses. A king to counter her self-proclaimed “queen of the universe” status. And guys – he’s hot.

The news broke that the singer plans to wed her current beau, Taylor Kinney (AKA: Mason Lockwood) (AKA: That hot guy from “Chicago Fire”) (AKA: Lord Gaga) as early as this summer. Gaga’s good friend, and fellow nobility DJ Lady Starlight told The Sun that the singer considers him to be “the one,” and to keep a close eye on her left hand in the months to come.

A source has already claimed to E! that Gaga and Kinney have no current plans to wed and that Lady Starlight’s admissions are all based on hearsay, but since this source was too shady to release their real name and Starlight wasn’t (and because I’m not-at-all-secretly dying to know what a Gaga wedding would look like), I’m going to go with her version of things.

So, who is this Taylor Kinney?, you ask. And what makes him the man of our Mother Monster’s bubble dreams? Now, I could tell you. But that seems awfully lazy and cruel when there is a video of him shirtless that could do the job just as well. So, without further ado …

He’s a werewolf!! Or, at least he was, before Ian Somerhalder dispatched him and rolled him up in a persian rug. Then he was a whiskey-drinking werewolf ghost. And now I guess he’s a firefighter. Point of the story being – he’s a total 10. And the progression of his character choices seems like something you’d see in one of Gaga’s videos, so clearly they are soul mates.

Lady Gaga, an everlasting emblem of female empowerment once said, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

Twitter (@htShowbiz)

Twitter (@htShowbiz)

But, now it seems, she has struck the right balance. Kinney and Gaga met when he played her (raunchy mermaid sex) lover in her “Yoü and I” video in 2011. And that’s when she was into dressing like a dude. He still liked it so much he put a ring on it. This guy’s this shit.

If you’re still not convinced/ seething with jealousy that you can’t be Lady Gaga, (I know, I wish I had her abs/ dance skills/ voice/ shoe collection/ apparently now fiance too), just look at this picture of them being adorable and in love in a pool.

It’s like a Lana Del Rey music video, only you don’t get annoyed at it after 30 seconds. #truelove

Anyone else as excited about Gaga’s potentially upcoming nuptials as I so clearly am?

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