Nothing reinvigorates our cultural appreciation for monogamous romance as much as a big, old-fashioned wedding. Even for Americans, the royal wedding back in April was a beacon of hope – hope that otherworldly, fairy-tale love still exists, even if it does cost more money than most of us will see in our entire lives. These lavish weddings are a fantasy of what-if’s and if-only’s that we love to re-imagine in our own idyllic marriages.
At least, maybe that’s how some women might perceive it.
It’s really not my intention to reverse the work of years of gender studies; it’s only for the sake of this article that I make the following assumption: Men and women are different species. So when I saw that the new E! special, Kim’s Fairytale Wedding, was on, I figured I would give up four hours of my life to understanding my own reaction to these televised spectacles. I suppose it wasn’t a very busy week for me.
If you’ve seen it, then you know there’s really nothing special about it. It’s just another episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Clearly, the show shares some elements with those wedding shows like Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings, but for some reason, producers focused on Rob’s inability to lose weight and Kris Jenner’s facelift.
A great deal of emphasis was placed on the troubles of the hulking man-child, Kris Humphries, whose problems with the family seemed awfully similar to the events of the movie Meet the Parents. Everything out of his mouth caused more commotion, and all of his ideas were greeted with the same blank-faced indifference. I felt bad for the guy. Most men would. What women see is a bumbling moron who knows nothing about the wedding process, and for all intensive purposes, women are right. The fact that Humphries gets mad when Kim arrives to overlook his choice of suit proves that he may have been raised by a pack of wolves.
Here’s where I attempt to defend him (if it’s possible to defend such an oafish man). What I see is a man who was given no fair warning into the ordeal. Someone should have spent the time to explain that this was not his affair, that his opinion was relatively unnecessary and that his bride-to-be would be looking over every facet of the wedding’s design. But they didn’t. I would have been angry too if I was given the same illusion of control just to have it ripped out from under my fingers.
But at a very specific point in the show, my allegiance changed. It happened suddenly in the second half of the special and after which, I could only look at Humphries with disgust. Kim and Kris were celebrating their bachelor/bachelorette party two weeks before the ceremony, and for some reason, Kris decided the appropriate attire for his party was a T-shirt. It was a small gesture, but it was immediately accompanied by that moment of revelation that Kris Humphries doesn’t have a clue. He even voiced his desire to have Five Guys Burgers cater the reception in little food carts. Does he know that a wedding has nothing to do with sports?
In retrospect, it appeared that the unemployed basketball player thought that Kim should be working for his affection – that his burgeoning status as an athlete somehow eclipsed her family’s entertainment empire. At some point, every man watching ceases their quiet rebellion with Kris and starts thinking, “He should really sit down and be quiet before he ruins his chances to be with Kim ‘effing’ Kardashian.”Tags: E!, Four Weddings, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian, Kim's Fairytale Wedding, Kris Humphries, Love?, Say Yes to the Dress, weddings