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February 27, 2013  | by: Leigh Badrigian
Screen shot 2013-02-26 at 12.26.53 AM

Twitter (@Kardashianpedia)

 

The Spring 2013 cover of French fashion magazine L’Officiel Hommes has been leaked and it is très, très sexy, with le emphasis on le sex. It features a woman named Kim Cardasheein (?) and some dude name Kayne West, or something? I really hope I spelled their names right…I’ve never heard of these people in my life, but from the looks of it, they seem pretty comfortable in front of a camera. They must be models or something! It’s a fashion magazine so these two must have something to do with fashion, right? Why else would they be on the cover?

Oh, wait…hold on…I just read the names printed on the cover, and (oops!) I did spell them wrong! My bad! Okay, so the woman’s name is Kim *Kardashian and the man she’s with is her boyfriend named *Kanye West. He’s a rapper and she’s…well, I don’t really know what she does but supposedly she’s, like, really famous. I’ll have to Google their names so I can learn more about them. Hold on…be right back.

…Gosh, I really wish these two people were in the news more! I had a hard time finding anything about them on the internet! They must be so shy. I bet they want to keep out of the public eye as much as they can – keep their relationship private, ya know? That’s really admirable.

Screen shot 2013-02-26 at 12.36.34 AM

Flickr (KimandKanye)

Alright, let’s cut the crap here. Are we really surprised Kim and Kanye, two people who (we’re to believe) love each other more than themselves, have found yet another way to cash in on their relationship? I’m hoping that the only reason why they’re on the cover of a French magazine is because American magazines have finally banned them from print, but I think this may just be wishful thinking.

L’Officiel Hommes is a bi-annual fashion mag for men that was launched in 2005 and branched from women’s French fashion magazine L’Officiel. It’s run by a stylist rather than a journalist, which is interesting, and its creative director is actually a graffiti artist and nightclub owner!

The magazine has featured some pretty unusual covers in the past with the most recent publication depicting actor Benicio Del Toro carrying a naked woman. Obviously the mag isn’t afraid of a bit of nudity, hence the naked Kim and Kanye, but honestly…TMI! TMI! TMI!

The cover shows Kim and Kanye embracing each other sans clothing, which totally makes sense since L’Officiel Hommes is a fashion magazine and everything. I think they’re promoting the latest fashion trend, actually…invisible clothing! Super chic. Reminds me a bit of the style of famous couture house, Le Abercrombie and Fitch, no?

Preggy Kim’s rockin’ some serious sex hair with a look of…ehem…ecstasy, while Kanye holds on tight. Well, at least we assume it’s Kanye. We can’t actually see his face, but it says his name on the cover so it’s got to be him, right? Ick, guys, ick. We already know Kim is pregnant, do we literally have to see how the baby was conceived? Grosssssss.

The issue hasn’t come out yet so we don’t actually know why Kim and Kanye are on the cover, but I’m guessing it has to do with their whole new philosophy about staying out of the public eye and keeping things more private. What did Kim tell DuJour magazine last week? Something along the lines of, “My boyfriend has taught me a lot about privacy. I’m ready to be a little less open about some things, like my relationships. I’m realizing everyone doesn’t need to know everything. I’m shifting my priorities.”

Okay, not really “along the lines of”…those were her exact words. It’s a good thing she has such a down-to-earth boyfriend who cherishes privacy and would never do anything like flaunt his relationship…naked…on an internationally published magazine. Phew! Good thing, right, guys?!

I’m sure photos of the actual birth will be internationally publicized as well. Luckily, Kim and Kanye won’t have to be the ones calling the paparazzi to come have a look. The baby will have already called them from the womb!

Tell us the truth…were you able to hold down your breakfast after seeing Kimye’s new cover?

 

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