I need all hands on deck with this one. I can’t tell if this is a last minute April Fool’s prank, a serious attempt at a diss, a Hail Mary, or a incredibly dysfunctional combination of all three, but Ray J‘s video for “I Hit it First” has got to be the most hilarious, yet incredibly concerning, three minutes I’ve seen in a while.
This is essentially what went through his mind during the brainstorming process:
First thing’s first, find a Kim look alike. Then we’ll reenact our sex tape (fully clothed, though, gotta keep it PG for the kids). I’ll wear my sunglasses 90% of the time, even when I’m inside, because maaaaan, it’s super sunny on Planet Cool. Throw in my boy, Bobby Brackins for the r-r-reeeemix, and BAM, I’m a genius! I’m a genius!
And honestly, guys, he is…
This video is literally all over the place…but wait! But is the huge word here, and no, I don’t mean any association with Kim Kardashian’s butt, you freaks…But when compared to the reigning Queen of revenge videos, Taylor Swift, this video proves to be ASTRONOMICALLY superior, and here’s why:
1. GO BIG OR GO HOME
From the moment the song was released, everyone and their mother knew this song was about Kim Kardashian. Therefore it would only make sense to have a Kim Kardashian look alike. It would be considered a massive cop-out if he inserted some rando video vixen with no similarities to Kim herself. Where are all the Jo Bro, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal (whoa, someone’s got an affinity for the J boys) look alikes in your videos, Swifty?! We know they’re about them!
2. Laugh at yourself
There’s often an heir of pretentiousness in the majority of her break up videos. Like an overload of sassy pants and eye rolls. Ray J decided to supply us with really goofy and at times, creepy smiles, AND THE GREATEST DANCE MOVES TO HIT THE INTERNET.
Wow, that was a complete exaggeration, but seriously, these moves he’s doing, they are so freaking horrendous, but in the grand scheme of the video, they blend in seamlessly with the playfulness.
And the lyrics. Oh, gosh, the lyrics.
There’s a whole bunch of Easter eggs dropped throughout the video, however didactic, I must give credit to Ray J. Starting with the Kris Humphries baller look alike, the Chicago highway sign displayed when he mentions “West” (cough cough, Kanye), watching her on the made up TV channel, “F!”, which is a play on the channel, “E!” that made her and her family famous. All of these subtitles work together to emphasize the intended point. Sorry, Swift, I have absolutely no idea what men dressed up as forest animals has to do with “never getting back together”…
So here’s what needs to happen now:
1. Kanye West MUST respond to this. MUST. This was a solid effort on Ray J’s part, but let’s be honest here, West is brilliant, and his comeback to this would go down in history! Kanye, Please!
2. Taylor Swift hopefully picked up a few pointers for how to make an accurate diss video.
3. Kim, just go back to him! After all, he said he’d give you a jacuzzi!
You go ahead, Ray J, you let the world know you were with her first! You let them know! I applaud your spoof video that highlights the hilarity surrounding this entire situation. Unless you were totally serious about this…now it’s awkward…
i hit it first, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Ray J, Taylor Swift