February? Is that you? It seems just days ago you were a twinkle in our mascara-d eyes. But alas, as we welcome the month that hosts Valentines Day, Harry Styles’ 19th birthday (seriously, is he still a teenager?), The Grammy’s and the Oscar’s (not to mention my personal favorite, the Puppy Bowl), and Bruce Willis’ 85th Die Hard movie, it seems only fair to take a minute to appreciate January for all it has done for pop culture.
And it has done a lot. This past month ushered in 2013 with no meager amount of drama and pop culture profanity that will undoubtedly shape the 11 months to come. Because as every self-respecting beezy knows, it’s not what you do once you’re in the party that matters, it’s how you make an entrance. So thank you January, for the following:
2 ridiculously overdramatic good-girl-meets-teen-heartthrob breakups (Taylor/ Harry and Selena/ Justin, we’re looking at you.)
104 collective stories about said breakups on Perez Hilton. (55 for Haylor, 49 for Jelena.)
2010 – the year Coachella must think it is, what with all the overlap (Vampire Weekend, Passion Pit, Grizzly Bear, Benny Benassi, La Roux, Hot Chip, The XX, Bassnectar, Pretty Lights, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Portugal the Man, Beach House, Infected Mushrooms, Phoenix… just to name a few. A few.)
15 – the (approximate) amount of minutes it took weekend 1 to sell out completely, regardless.
3 months old – Baby Kimye’s age. (His or her net worth? $130 million.)
156,000,000 YouTube views that were taken away from Lady Gaga after it was revealed most were from hackers and viewcount generators.
10 awards Jennifer Lawrence has already won for The Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook.
726 retweets of Lindsay Lohan’s attempted twitter slam of Jennifer Lawrence’s “I beat Meryl” acceptance speech comment. (newsflash: it was a First Wives Club quote.)
0 times Lindsay Lohan was actually relevant this month.
20 year age difference between Jeremy Renner and his model baby mama.
6 years Justin Timberlake waited to release new music.
4 – “Suit and Tie’s” placement on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.
2 parts to Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah in which he confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs to help win his seven Tour de France titles.
4.3 million Americans who tuned in to watch him fall from grace (and that was just on night one.)
1,452 days more President Obama has in his second term.
121 seconds – the duration of Beyonce’s inaugural performance of the National Anthem.
0 % of which was live singing.
89 – Hugh Hefner’s age at the time of his third marriage. This time to 26-year-old Crystal Harris. (True love at work, people)
Wow. Math is exhausting. But luckily, pop culture is not. So thank you January, for popping us a proverbial Adderall and getting this year started like a Kenyan marathon runner at the Olympics. Oh no wait… that’s Olivia Wilde’s sex life.
What was your favorite thing that happened in January?Barack Obama, Beyonce, breakup, By the numbers, Coachella 2010, Coachella 2013, Crystal Harris, harry styles, Hugh Hefner, January 2013, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, Kimye, Lady Gaga, Lance Armstrong, Lindsay Lohan, National Anthem, Oprah, Perez Hilton, pop culture rewind, Selena Gomez, Silver Linings Playbook, suit and tie, Taylor Swift, The Hunger Games