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January 09, 2013  | by: Kelly Hanelt

Flickr (jdlasica)

 

Baby Kimye, you’ve got some competition. And this guy? Well, let’s just say he doesn’t lose very often.

That’s right, E! Network will soon be home to Olympic swimming star/sex symbol Ryan Lochte. The reality program, titled “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” will reportedly follow the 28-year-old as he preps for the 2016 Olympics, starts a clothing line, and searches for his one true love (Check out E!’s own gif equation of the series here. Priceless).

On the program, Lochte will be joined by his now-famous family, and even more famous shoe collection, in his hometown of Gainesville, Florida. The show will premiere in April, effectively eradicating any semblance you might have of a social life for its six-week run. But the question remains – do we really care? Do we really care what Ryan Lochte would do?

Yes – but only if the answer involves taking his shirt off. And judging by this past summer’s Olympic games, that is about where his comfort zone with cameras begins and ends. Ask Ryan Lochte to look pretty in front of a camera? You’re good as gold (Get it? Gold? Haha). Ask Ryan Lochte to speak in front of a camera and still maintain the appearance of a functionally intelligent human being? Well… that’s a different story. Check it out below.

 

Now, I could criticize E!’s spectacular predilection for locating the most random semi-celebs teetering on the brink of irrelevance and slapping them with a 10-season contract that slowly milks the will to live from legitimately talented stars who are forced to talk to these wannabes like they actually have a non-scripted thought in their heads… but that would insinuate that I don’t watch “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” (which I do), or that I am even remotely ashamed about it (which I’m not).

But why complain? Magic Mike 2 won’t be coming our way any time soon as Channing Tatum has insisted on taking the year off from acting to raise his baby Adonis. And while I’d usually like my man candy to be able to count to 25, I’m not that picky. As long as Lochte remains A) straight up adorable, and B) relatively humble (which he has, up to this point), I’m all for it.

E! Network Entertainment President Suzanne Kolb promises that the show will make viewers want to “be him, sleep with him, or mother him.” Which category do you think you’ll fall into, if any at all? Can “lick chocolate off of him” be an option?

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