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August 15, 2011  | by: Kerri O'Malley

Yeah, Sookie, We Caught You

True Blood fans, you can try to pretend you’ve got a crush on Vampire Bill, but I can smell your fairy-lovin’ lie from here.  Until that sexy werewolf wandered into the series, there was only one man who held all of our dirty desires in his clear blue eyes: Eric Northman, as played by Alexander Skarsgard.  With bated breath we’ve waited for our lust to be realized through Sookie’s gap-toothed gasping, and now it’s finally happened.  Yet, there’s something deeply unsatisfying about Sookie and Eric doing it in body and blood that deserves a closer look.

The number one reason Eric and Sookie have been kept apart for so long is the fact that he’s “evil,” a personality trait our darling Sookie just can’t get behind.  But regardless, it still makes sense for Eric and Sookie to get together.  Don’t let True Blood-loving bros fool you, True Blood is a romance, and a lusty one at that, so it follows that Sookie should get both the evil guy and the good guy…and everyone within 50 feet of her that isn’t a blood relative or batting for the other team.

And of course, it’s no surprise that the bad boy vampire has drawn our attention as viewers.  Bad boys are the sexy boys, after all.  That stereotype most likely evolved from the moment a caveman first made fire and used it to light a stick dangling from between his oh-so-pouty lips while he casually leaned against a rock.  But Eric’s really bad, as in he’s killed and drank the blood of millions of helpless men, women, and children through a lifetime of bloodlust, aka a healthy vampire diet.  Let’s not forget that Eric was freakin’ Nazi at one point, and that despite the invention of True Blood, he still seems to go around doing a lot of killing and maiming.

Spike and Buffy

On the surface, it seems as though Eric needs a healthy dose of redemption.  After all, he did pretty much try to buy Sookie’s body earlier this season.  But True Blood made a terrible misstep when they defanged Eric.  Stripped of his memory and personality, Eric has been reduced to a blubbering pile of wide-eyed good intentions and sensitive sex.  Ew.

Sookie and Eric’s new relationship vaguely reminds me of a similar blonde-on-evil-blonde-vampire relationship, Buffy and Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  But Buffy and Spike’s relationship was a messy, dark, S&M affair that had the Buffster embracing her bad side and using lust, pain, and pleasure to start a spark in her (literally) dead life.  Spike eventually went over the line, nearly raping Buffy in a wayward plot twist, and ultimately underwent the greatest redemption: He won himself a soul.

While Buffy the Vampire Slayer dug deep to bring its two good and evil characters together, finding the desire for each other hidden within, True Blood has cut out the passion, confusion, and drama and headed straight down the easy road of redemption: Eric can’t remember anything, so…He’s good now!  Yay!  Wait, what?!

By taking Eric away from himself before giving him to Sookie, True Blood has taken all the fun and catharsis out of seeing Eric and Sookie go at it.  They’ve essentially created a new character and placed it into Alexander Skarsgård’s body.  Nothing against Skarsgård’s bod, but our lust for Eric only has so much to do with appearances.  (Even if it was all about appearances, that cut-off hoodie and gym shorts look was enough to kill it for me anyway.)  Sookie and Eric’s sex montages are unsatisfying because Sookie’s not having sex with Eric.  She’s having sex with what appears to be a three year old trapped in a grown man’s body…and a witch slave at that!

Eric Wants a Cookie...Uh, I Meant...Sookie

This is detrimental not only for Eric’s character, but for Sookie’s.  With Spike and Buffy, we got to see a side of Buffy we didn’t see before.  A heroic symbol of good, Buffy allowed a little evil into her life, something that I think we need as an audience.  Sookie’s all sugar and no spice.  Sure, she can bend a witty phrase or glare menacingly when need be, and underneath that cream puff exterior is a strong backbone.  But she’s not strong enough to ever go long without a man or to at all compromise her black and white understanding of the world.  Even in last night’s episode, Sookie defines Eric as “human” because of his ability to differentiate between stark bad and good, even though infantile Eric seems less than sure about the certainty of these two polarities.  Now that Eric is clearly good, Sookie can sleep with him without compromising her role as the good girl, which is actually incredbily disappointing.

Aside from that, as long as Eric remains memory-less, Sookie is consciously indulging in a fantasy.  She knows this new Eric isn’t real, but she keeps sleeping with him anyway.  Let’s face it: Sookie needs to get laid by evil Eric for the sake of her sanity and her two-dimensionality.  Too bad he’s nowhere to be found, and getting further all the time thanks to that pesky witch.

Our only hope for real Sookie-on-Eric action is that the two will survive the epic witch v. vampire battle and continue to get carnal after Eric’s memory returns, but by the looks of this plot line, that could be as late as next season.

As Eric is strung along like a puppet, personality-less and paler than ever, Sookie is sleeping with little more than a rag doll.  It’s time for her to turn to a real man (cough Alcide cough) or, even better, embrace her bad side.  Maybe a little brush with death will help her on the way.

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