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May 18, 2013  | by: Jara Montez
Instagram

Instagram

 

Holy babies in Paris.

Beyonce is pregnant again!

I guess for the sake of excitement, we can act like we didn’t already know this…

How kind of her team to keep their lips sealed on the new munchkin, playing the general public for fools. Listen, I know we adore the Kardashians, but that doesn’t make us dumb (sarcasm).

Confirmed on Friday by E! News, sources spilled the beans that Blue Ivy will no longer be the sole heir to the universe.

Rumors kicked into high gear once Beyonce arrived at the Met Gala with a ensemble suited for being a poorly executed Wild Wild West Katniss Girl on Fire costume/hiding a possible baby bump. The skirt strategically sat right above her waist, allowing for no tummy angles for the paparazzi.

 

Instagram

Instagram

 

Later, in an interview with ABC News, she shared that

“I would like more children…I think my daughter needs some company. I definitely love being big sister”

Hmmmm. Alright, alright, all circumstantial so far.

But here’s the icing on the cake: doctors forced her to cancel her scheduled concert in Belgium due to dehydration and exhaustion. If this was Rihanna, we’d chalk that up as consequence of that good kush and alcohol. But if you put all these clues together, you end up with a big ol’ bun in the oven.

Just a few quick questions…

1.  I’m just going to go ahead and address the elephant in the room…are you planning on cancelling the rest of your tour?

I’m asking for a friend…

I know people donated their life savings to this worthy cause, and I want to know you’re planning on steaming through the summer schedule dates, or if you’re simply going to refund that money. I don’t think anyone would want to attend a concert where you are kinda turkey wobbling and quasi-singing. We could just go watch Michelle if that’s all we wanted to do…

2. How in the world are you going to match the brouhaha over Blue Ivy’s groundbreaking name?!

Not that you’d take my advice, but I have a few ideas on what NOT to do:

Please, just please, please, please don’t go the Kardashian K-alliteration route. I’m just shuddering at thought of a future nail polish line courtesy of Blue, Bubba and Brumhilda. I’m sure it’ll be real classy, but you’re better than that.

I trust that you won’t end up making your children the spokespeople for Crayola, so I don’t even need to address the wonky color theme route.

Don’t consult Gwyneth Paltrow, Alicia Silverstone, Jason Lee, Penn Jilette or Jessica Alba. You know what, just to stay safe, stray away from any parent in Hollywood.

 

Flickr (Hollywood_PR)

Flickr (Hollywood_PR)

 

Sorry, I feel like I’m taking away from the celebratory nature inherent in baby news. So, Beyonce…girl, congrats! I called it months ago when I told everyone that this was going to be your year. You’ve done all of this…and 2013 isn’t even halfway over.

It’s your world, and we really are just living in it.

What do you think of Beyonce’s big news?

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