Maybe it’s a full moon. Or maybe it’s because April Fool’s Day is a week away.
But if you ever wanted to know what it’s like to perpetually be in the Twilight Zone, look no further than Amanda Bynes’ Twitter.
Once a comedic princess, now legitimate train wreck, Bynes has abso-freaking-lutely taken a turn for the WTF.
She’s already got a lump of DUIs, hit-and-runs and a suspended license. Her agent, publicist, and lawyer have all quit. She had to bounce out of her New York apartment after her landlord threatened to evict her. And then, she went and got this really cute (???) makeover.
But all of this is trivial. So trivial that she has time to tweet meaningful things whilst all the drama:
Walking with a limp
Oh, is your pimp hand way strong, too?
If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet. And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies and souls.
Young Nicholas Sparks we have here.
He’s Rocking That Incest Face
How does one even know what that looks like?
If I’m not following you on twitter, I hate you
Well, she’s only following five people, so she clearly hates the other 7 billion of us earthly denizens.
But that’s not even the half of it.
Bynes also happens to have a teeny weeny obsession with Drake. It started with a few random pictures of him and Nicki Minaj with their faces swapped (hey, it was entertaining to her). You know, whatever, she can’t be more obsessed than your average Belieber, so we’ll run with it.
But then she tweeted this:
I want @drake to murder my vagina
Listen, Amanda, your hormones are clearly going bat-sh*t crazy, but do we really need to know this? I’m going with no. And please don’t ever tell me things like this again because it’s burning my eyes.
However…despite this being the most uncomfortable form of TMI, I’m going to need Drake to respond to this. And I’m not talking about a simple retweet. I want this mentioned in one of his new songs (since he’s got an affinity to singling people out in his raps). I want some really clever line that rhymes (like that kinda just did, BOOM). But not for my own enjoyment of course, this is to make Amanda happy. She’ll be nothing short of ecstatic that her baby boy shouted her out! Ah, young love.
I wonder where Drake Bell fits into all of this. Probably sulking that she’s found another Drake to do the “Hillbilly Moment” with. Sad face.
Real talk, though, I think it would be incredibly beneficial if she went back to “The Girls’ Room”, and got some sense knocked back into her by Sheila.
“Until then, I’m popular!” Or horny. Or whatever.Tags: Amanda Bynes, Drake, DUI, Nickelodeon, television, Twitter